Fellowship With Wilderness

I recently realized that as of December 15th I have been praying for my future husband for a year. That is pretty cool. To be able to look back and say that the Lord has been prompting me to do that. He didn't forget about me and didn't find my prayers for my husband trivial, but instead prompted me to pray for him. Sometimes looking at the world from my view in America it seems like so many other people are so much worse off. And then in my reasoning the Lord should tend to them more. But there's enough of Him to go around.

In the parable of the prodigal son I always identified with the oldest son; the one that doesn't run away and stays diligently behind working with his father. Most pastors tell the story of the son that came back, but what about the oldest son that is so mad, I'd always wondered. Well once I heard a pastor talk about him. He said that by the prodigal son getting the fattened calf and the celebration, it still didn't take any away from the oldest son. And for the purposes of the kingdom of God, we all can take purpose in the kingdom and there is plenty of it to go around and same with the Lord. There's plenty of Him.


The Misty Edwards song that goes "Here I am your favorite one," always bothered me because there are so many people that it didn't make sense. Why do so many people get ot be his favorite. In my view of the world I only have one favorite food or favorite movie... but that's in my mind view of time and space- my very limited view. Instead, there's so much of the Lord, an infinite amount. So I can be His favorite and so can you because He's enough.

So in my prayers for my future husband, the Lord knows what's important to me and is there always all of Him.


Thank you for that Lord. For making me care about things and caring to see them through.

I read that book in 1 day this past summer while I was babysitting Drew. Randy Pausch spoke of his life, his achievements and the way he lived that allowed him to give this lecture with no regrets. In thinking about my future, I have thought about the things he has said about his life and the things he did. One thing that sticks out in my mind was that as an uncle, he took his nephew and niece out in his brand new car. Their mother, his sister, warned the children to be careful to not spill anything in their uncle's new car. Randy however, quickly disagreed with her and proceeded to pour a whole can of coke in his backseat to prove to the kids that it was just a car and it didn't matter. Well he was glad he had done that because later that weekend his nephew threw up all over the backseat. Because Randy had shown them that the kids meant more to him than the car, his nephew did not feel bad about throwing up. I want to live a life where things of this earth are just things. And I know that my greatest reward is in heaven. I don't want love of money to rule my life ever. And I want to be able to always be reminded, even in a brand new car, that it is still just a car and not to be treasured over something as long lasting as relationships. Because people are eternal; no matter where they are after they die they will either be in heaven or hell. And that is what matters most. I want the relationships to be what I can show the Lord when He asks me what I did on earth. Not the clean backseat I kept. 

That's a hard statement- but I know the Lord and I know that as I get more of His heart and character all the time that this is it. The things of this world are fleeting.

The Lord is my first love but in terms of this post I have to admit that it's basketball. I love that sport. And last night I went to the home opener of the men's basketball team and it reignited my love of the sport. I played volleyball in high school also but that was a late add for me- not starting until I was in 9th grade. But basketball... that was a 5th grade rec team start. I love everything about the sport. Sometimes I wish I went to a school like UNC where the basketball team rules. Don't get me wrong I love cleat chasing the football players haha but give start a race for me after the high tops and I'm off. But it's not even the sport that I love so I can love the players but really it's goes farther than that for me. I love the emotion involved in the sport and the lingo and that I will always know the calls of the refs and plays and strategies. I still don't know all the rules and regulations of football and I've been trying to learn for four years. So going to the basketball game last night... it made me miss the community of the boys and girls teams and the thrill of knowing your teammates and them easily no questions asked being your best friends. And knowing the cheerleaders that cheer during half time and the parents that always support you no matter what. That's what I miss and that is why basketball has been and always will be my first love. I hope my true love is someone that can share in that with me, Lord :)

So I realize that it is only November 11th but I am so just all about the holidays this year that I am fully embracing all the festivities that go along with it. I usually bah humbug the decorations so early and talk of the red and green but this year bring on the tinsel and show me the christmas lights. I mean yes there are only two days coming up in the next two months that deserve celebrating but those days are so good- why not celebrate them? Why not have huge sales in honor of those two days and why not let the holiday joy spread out a little bit earlier? And I mean let's be honest you can't stretch them out to beyond the date cause that's just sad. So we'll bump it up a little before and 'bam' you have me happy about the holidays November 11th. I think that a reason I can pinpoint as to why I feel like this is that I just have come to treasure my Christmas Break. I can do anything during those three weeks and it's usually things like spending time with my family and catch up with old friends and go Christmas shopping and decorate for Christmas. I mean now that my fourth break is coming up I've realized how awesome it really is and how much I can appreciate a true break from school and tests and obligations in Athens. It is a truly awesome time so I'm celebrating a little early this year. Expect a christmas card soon. Ho ho ho

Citizen Cope is just awesome and his style of music- it is just right. I mean isn't it weird that for me Citizen Cope does that and for others it's Jack Johnson or Coldplay. But Clarence Greenwood is the one for me. Ahh I just can't explain it but his music's just good. And so I had a treat of getting to see Augustana on Tuesday night for free on campus and I didn't know it before but their sound kind of reminds me of Cope's so oh my goodness Augustana was great. The lead singer has this amazing voice and really gets into- really wants you to love his music as much as he enjoys making it. I mean his guitar was part of him and his voice... I mean really great. And yes I understand that he was probably high as a kite and drunk as a skunk but he played well?

So I really enjoyed the perfomance and proceeded to buy their album and let me just say... it's some good stuff. Like the songs Mayfield and Dust- so good!
Thank you Augustana for sharing part of yourself with UGA on Tuesday.

Drew, the kid I babysit for, well let me just tell you- I forgot what it's like to give a kid sugar... they go crazy!! And normally Drew doesn't like sugar or candy or anything like that so when on Monday he wanted two donuts I said yes sir you may have two donuts. Try to live like a normal kid once in a while and have some sugar. Well the whole rest of the day I babysat him he was ridiculous/hilarious. At one point the dog ran away because they don't have a fence so Drew barefoot goes running after the dog and the biker she started to chase, flailing his arms yelling STOP STOP. So then I start running too and then the other dog Molly starts chasing me and I just had to stop and laugh. In general the whole day he was running around like a crazy man and was yelling and then his dad came home and he was like "Dad! I ate two donuts! And I have SO much energy! I need to get it all out at basketball practice today! And I have so much energy." I mean the kid repeated himself so many times and was in all honesty just running around the house in circles. It was a good day.

My thoughts- I've realized that blogging is an awesome way for me to open up and really get my thoughts out of my head and put them down on paper/the computer. i really like it and i really like reading other people's to see what's going on in their lives and how the Lord is in their life daily and constantly. I've found this is different than journaling- these are my open big thoughts while my journal is usually my more personal thoughts and struggles and prayers.

One thing I've been thinking about recently is what I'm going to do next year. There are some job opportunities that look interesting to me and they're in Tennessee. My whole life Tennessee has honestly been full of backwards people which I think I already blogged about. But I went to the UGA UT game up there and got to see some of the state and then I went last weekend to the BYX Formal in Gatlinburg/ Pigeon Forge, TN and it was beautiful up there. I mean the mountians were gorgeous and the whole state is just breathtaking up there with the mountains. I mean I don't want to be one of those people that says - oh weird i was in TN two weekends in one month maybe i should move there- because 1. there are other things i should base my decision off of and 2. i don't really want to move up to TN because i just don't. Now I may come back here in about 5 months saying that I'm moving to TN and then I can just eat my words but until then there is a lot more prayer and provision from the Lord for me to do that. Like 1- get a job there.

So until that day I'll just remember the time I said that the only car color I didn't want was white... guess who drives a white car?

rock music and dogs. i like both of these things. i think i'm going to write this post in this emo high school way where i don't capitalize anything. it's easy and it lets me get the point across about these things that i like.
rock. not many of my roommates like rock. they are more into alternative and acoustic and women. well i really liked rock in high school and then in college not as many people were here to feed my interest so they kind of dropped off my radar. groups like foo fighters and the killers and queens of the stone age and coheed and cambria and jimmy eat world and shinedown. well i like them and they remind me of fall and so when my genius music on itunes offered me a chance to listen to rock mix 2 i gladly accepted. thank you itunes for bringing it back into my life.
what does that say about me that i like rock. groups even like papa roach and gasp nine inch nails. i don't know but i'm going to bring that back into my life. if any one ever follows my blog- which i think is not a one- then are there any rock bands or new songs i should catch up on from the last few years. i should ask my brothers. they will hook me up.

dogs. i have not ever been much of a dog person you can ask patty my mom. she loves them but i usually shy away from our families dogs because well i think they kind of smell and really i just like to keep my hands clean. well the family i babysit for got a labradoodle about a month and a half ago and let me tell you i love playing with her. her name is addison but they call her addie for short and she's so fun and doesn't shed and i love playing with her. and she does not smell. well she almost has this sweet dog smell to her.
for a while i was worried about my future of not liking dogs. do not most people like dogs and want them as pets. well i'm relieved to say that i do like them and do not mind when they lick me. which let me say is a big thing.

well now i'm relieved. i brought rock back into my life or maybe the holy spirit did which would beg a bigger and much deeper question of what rock will bring me in life. but back to my relief of liking things. i like dogs too now so i think i will rest a little easier tonight. that is probably not true but needless to say i am excited for the next time i see addison jane byus.

Oh yes- it's time to come back and gather my thoughts. Some spiritual and some down to earth and some funny (if only to me). I like putting my thoughts together like this and find that blogging is something that I have come to enjoy.

So this weekend I went to the BYX Formal in Gatlinburg, TN which was a blast! Thank you Chris Laney; my date. He was the best date I've ever had and I really had a fun time! And I think I realized a few things about myself- about the way I act in different settings around people I haven't met before, people I have but don't know well and those goofy people that I always have a good time with because I know they like me for me.

I realized that I have to be myself in all facets of life because that consistency makes me someone that's easier to relate to and a "safe" person- my behavior is pretty much the same in most scenarios. My roommates and close friends may be able to say that there are some exceptions to this rule but I want my life to be consistent.
Well I realized that is much harder to say and do. For instance, how I treat people I like and people I just don't get along with. Where does the consistency meet the pavement and the selfishness hit the road?

I don't know but I know that this weekend was the most nature I've seen in a while. And to relate back to the title of my post- the views of the Smoky Mountains were just breathtaking and the streams of running water that we drove along for some of the trip just was amazing to behold. In my class I'm learning about evolution and after my "fellowship with wilderness" this weekend how can you not believe in some greater being that organized this planet? I don't know but I know that the forests I saw made me realize that gasp Tennessee isn't full of backwood hillbillies that only like UT football because they don't know any better. I still hold the last clause to be true but with the views I saw this weekend I don't blame those backwoods hillbillies for staying away from the smog of city life for a chance at a view like theirs.

So today as I was walking to class I realized that I love my job of class checking student athletes. Now the reason I love it is because some of the athletes that I've checked in semesters past remember me and recognize me. So this morning I saw one former student I checked and he remembered me and spoke to me and asked me how I was doing and he is a pretty cool big player here at school and it made me feel real good. Actually it made me feel real cool- oh yeah I think I did a little dance around afterwards haha- typical.
And I think that sometimes I feel like that with the Lord. I'm like ahh you remember me? It makes me feel so special and honored. And I don't know- sometimes I think I have this false humility that makes me think- oh please I know the Lord knows I'm here but seriously- to be called out by the Lord is special and honoring and it makes me feel... well... like a big shot.

So my life is just life right now. I'm going to class and hanging out with friends and cleaning my room constantly yet beneath that is a relationship with the Lord. And it's crazy that I have a relationship with the Lord- that I am here living this life in Athens right now and just trying to appreciate all that I have been given. One thing I have been given is being blessed to travel a lot. And I must say that I really love it. Traveling is great and three weeks ago I went to Valdosta and last weekend I went to the UT UGA game- terrible game but I got to see another SEC school. And this weekend was the Wesley fall retreat and next weekend I'm going to Gatlinburg and then after that I'm going to St. Simons for GA/FL. So traveling is fun and the best part is that most of these trips are relatively low cost. Thank you for that Lord. So in my trips I can say that yes. The Lord provides.

And on a lighter note I wrote my grandmother a letter about two weeks ago just saying that I'd enjoyed seeing her last weekend when I was down in Homerville for my grandfathers's funeral. Well that's not really lighter but wait- so my Mom talked to my grandmother and my grandmother told her that I wrote her a letter and she said she really enjoyed it and was so thankful for it. My mother then believed that my grandmother had really lost it because she thought that I would not have done something like that. She had to call me later that day to confirm that I had in fact written my grandmother a letter. Thanks for the confidence Mom.

So is this my life right now? Cause I'm not studying for my two midterms tomorrow and I'm just blogging- my new favorite obsession I think. And I'm just waiting around for something to happen. I feel like that is something that I need to get out of my head and carpe diem or something- but alas I'm just thinking about roommate dinner at 5:30 and then studying for midterms and how I got eaten alive by mosquitoes today...

What had happened was- a girl used my chapstick today which I don't really like when people do that but I let her use it and then I decided to lop off the chunk which she touched. But then in the computer lab I had a chunk of Blistex raspberry lemonade blast on my finger which I then proceeded to slather all over my legs. Well let me tell you- when I was outside for discipleship with my girls the mosquitoes had a field day and were very attracted to the raspberry lemonade blast... thank you blistex for making a lip protectant/sunscreen even the mosquitoes like

I've been learning about the sovereignty of God lately. My uncle died about 3 weeks ago and my grandfather died two weeks ago so if God is sovereign- which he is- then I'm still trying to piece together what that means but I think it means that he is in control of everything.

"The Lord brings death and makes alive; he brings down to the grave and raises up. The Lord sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and exalts." 1 Samuel 2:6-7

Well here it says the Lord is in control. And he can harden hearts too- like he did to Pharaoh with Moses. Yet we can also make decisions in our lifetime that influence us and our lives and what becomes of our lives? Is that a relfection of how God has chosen for us to live? Or have we chosen? I mean my whole belief is based off of free will- that's how I chose to love the Lord and accept Christ. But what does that mean for people like Pharaoh?

In Isaiah it says:

"Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving. Make the heart of this people calloused; make their ears dull and close their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed." Isaiah 6: 9-10

So who chose for them?

Right now I can say that the Lord has blessed me with singleness all my life- because if it was my will I would have been in a relationship by now I'm pretty sure but the Lord has protected me and I know that he had sovereignty in that. And watching my roommates go through break-ups make me realize it that much more.

Until next week...

... than never to have loved at all"

Is that really true? This quote from my senior year english teacher is one I'm always reminded of in thinking about relationships and friendships and love. I just had to say goodbye to my college roommate of two years and it really hurt this morning when she left. I mean it was painful for her to leave. She graduated a year early and is moving to Panama, the country, on Wednesday. She packed up her room and moved out on Saturday but she stuck around for a couple more days and we got to go to a Braves game last night. So it was fun and a good going away but back to that quote by Alfred Lloyd Tennyson... is it really?

I mean the pain of her leaving- did that pale in comparison to the amazing times we had? Probably= but it hurts. College can hurt- people leaving and coming, making life changing decisions and choices. High school friends coming into their own in college. I feel like we are pushed together so hard in college and then ripped apart mercilessly.

Wow maybe I'm saying all these things because she just left about 4 hours ago. I mean she's still alive going on into a new stage in her life but I will miss her while I'm still in this stage of mine. But if Tennyson is right... and if it's better to have close friends and vulnerability than to be alone... which I think he is right... then I am going to love all I can so that the good times more than outweight the pain of loss and change and I'm going to believe that...

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

So for my senior year I've been overlooking it and instead looking forward to May 2010 when I have to hit the real world and make some money. But I've realized lately that I need to savor every second of my senior year and make the most of it. It's going to be a really important year for me and I think I need to document it and really take note.

I also decided that I wanted to be a better cook because that is a skill that I will have with me for a lifetime and one that will grow as I do. I pray also that the Lord will give me an ability with food and a great interest for food and learning about it and learning about the amazing tastes different foods can offer.

So I have a journal that I bought for the spring semester- really it's a spiral notebook- but I want to keep that as my senior year book. I am going to write my senior year bucket list in it and the notes I discover about cooking and keep a list of things I do and at least once a week write something down interesting, funny or ridiculous that happened. I need to do that so I can process my life. In the question- are you a thinker or a feeler- I'm definitely a thinker and the way I process my life is thinking. So to take a time of reflection at least once a week to process my life then I will take an active part in it and not be a bystander of my senior year.

I need this year to really move me and I have some big aspirations for it. I am living in the moment and want to seize each day that goes by next year.

So it's July and I can't believe how fast the summer has gone. I've been learning so much this summer though. I've been reading Knowing God by J.I. Packer and have really enjoyed it. I can't even put into words everything I've been reading and learning. I think though that the Lord will take these things I'm learning and then put them into words in the fall when I'm pouring out through my women's group and discipleship.

This summer I've also been thoroughly enjoying all novels by Pat Conroy. His talent with words just makes me want to write eloquent phrases and express myself in the most verbose ways. His books are some of my favorites. I've read Prince of Tides, My Losing Season, The Lords of Discipline, and Beach Music. Still my favorite is The Lords of Discipline even though most people speak highly of Beach Music. He's coming out with a new book in August and I am looking forward to reading it- even though it's already over 700 pages apparently. But I'm still going to tackle that book and love every single wordy page he writes. Because if you've ever read Pat you know he's not the most concise writer but his writing really sets the scene. I think the next one of his I'm going to read is the Great Santini. And I was watching tv today and someone made a reference to being the great santini- implying he was an abusive father. I got real excited about that- i love understanding references. It makes me feel well read.

But back to Knowing God. I mean the things I'm learning in this book amaze me and make me think after every chapter I read. Learning about the characteristics and truths of God is exactly what I need right now. And I'm so overwhelmed with information at times but I've learned that it's okay to not understand. Something else I've been looking into is Jesus' joy. I haven't read a verse in the gospels that says "Jesus laughed" but I want to see what attracted people to him and I know that he had joy because we're called to have joy as a fruit of the spirit and we're also called to be like Jesus. So if a=b and b=c then a=c... therefore Jesus had joy. So I've loved my sleep this summer and learning this summer and really experiencing the calm of Athens. And I'm thoroughly looking forward to the rest of it.

Until next time,
Emily

So this blog was keeping track of my plans to hike the AT. Well those have been postponed until about August but until then I thought I'd develop this blog into a little more about me.

This summer I'm spending time in Athens. I'm still looking for a job and hoping one will work out soon. Right now I'm still class checking and it gives me the opportunity to bike to campus in the morning and get a nice little work out in. I love it. My biking has improved and I finally made it up the *%#@! hill that me and my roommates talk about. It's a pretty steep incline and I've made it up there two days in a row! Exciting!

This morning I had to return two books to the library so I was driving around campus marveling at Athens in the summer. Someone once said that there's something right about Athens in the summer and I would definitely have to agree. There is something right about it. It's so vulnerable and being repaired and healed from a brutal year of students running it ragged. The workers were taking down dead trees and the grass on Myers was actually grass and not dirt. The campus was allowed to just be and not trampled and abused. As for the roads, jaywalking is as easy as 1,2,3 and the stillness of the campus soothed me. No one was in a hurry and instead the lazy days of summer are upon us.

You can actually find a parking spot downtown which blows my mind and traffic seems to be a thing of the past. It's amazing being in a city that just dies like that for almost three months and then springs back to life. On Myers I was imagining the parents walking on this quad almost three months from now leaving their child at college and they will want to see a well manicured quad which is exactly what UGA will be ready to offer come August because of the tlc it received over the summer.

It's hard to believe that I'll be here all summer. Just taking it all in. It makes me feel like I'm just starting at school again because summer is so new. It's like I'm somewhere else entirely. Summer is not an extension of the school year but a new place and city to be explored and conquered.

Just yesterday I walked down to Memorial Park and sat by the creek there listening to my iPod and so thankful that the quiet of this town allowed me to be there just relaxed and loving every minute of it. The rain then came upon me in a flash and I was immediately soaked but I loved it. The freedom I had to walk wherever I wanted and do whatever I wanted overwhelmed me. I knew that was what summer was supposed to be. The hot summer rain washing over me and a cleansing feeling about the summer and knowing that I loved it. All of it.

Athens in the summertime... how great

Katie and I had a little pow wow on Tuesday to decide where we should start. We've been thinking that we would like to start on the part of the trail that's between North Carolina and TN. So looking up directions and information about that point to us it looks like Hot Springs, NC is a great place to start. It's after Clingman's Dome which I've heard is very hard and it is in Madison County.

It will get us started up in the mountain chain but we won't have to pack in as much food. Which is good because apparently the trail along the TN/NC trail is very difficult to get food in to. So you have to pack extra. Which is not something I would really want to do. So Hot Springs looks like the spot.

And I'm still looking for a pack. I think a Gregory would be the best idea. But they're very expensive so at this point while I'm trying to budget my money I need God to give me the money I need to buy this pack and other gear so that I can go. I'll just live strictly on Ramen for a while... which I kind of do anyway because I love it.

So now Katie and I have a plan... I just have to get my parents on board :)

So yesterday my roommate and I decided to go to Half-Moon Outfitters to ask them a lot of questions about sleeping bags and packs and shoes and the like. We really just wanted to pick their brains about equipment and things.

So we found out a lot of valuable information like that I'm a medium pack size even though I would have thought I was a large. So that's good know. I guess I just have really long legs and a torso that's not quite proportion it. But I think I'd rather have that than a long torso and short legs... Anyway we worked our way from the packs to the shoes. For shoes I think I'm going to invest in some merrels or something like them. I don't want to have to wear big high top heavy ugly boots. I would much rather have something lite and easy to move in. So I need to go back and try some different ones on and decide if I want something like Solomon trail runners or NorthFace ones or some Merrels.

Then I need to get some SmartWool socks and I'm looking forward to those. I've heard great things about those and will probably buy those soon so I can wear them on campus and around.

I also discovered that I probably won't need to get a sleeping bag liner to keep me warmer. The temperature should support my 40 degree bag and I should be warm enough outside at night.

Then one of the guys downstairs in the store overheard that me and my roommate were preparing to hike the AT and started asking us some questions about our plans and seemed very knowledgeable. So then he showed us the section in the store that has books and informational stuff about trails and several were AT specific. Well he asked us if we knew where we were going- what section and I am dumb haha and said "wait, there is more than one part? What?"

Listen, side note is taht I thought he was talking about different trails all in the same area or soemthing like that. I probably can't justify a dumb question like that but whatever.

Emily... so dumb! Tyler, Katie and Sarah were with me and started laughing at my question. So I misunderstood the question and sounded like a fool. The guy we met- his name was Jonathan- was probably like "this girl thinks she can hike the AT? She doesn't know a thing about it... oh great she's going to need help" haha. That was just one of the several odd and ridiculous things I said that day though so lack of sleep was getting to me.

Well anyway I'm very glad that we met him and he seemed knowledgeable and really nice. So we'll probably go back in and ask him lots of questions.

And then me and Katie are meeting on Tuesday of this week to discuss our route and check out maps and decide which section we want to do- which will allow us to begin to plan more of our trip.

I'll update on which section soon!!

The name of my blog comes from a bumper sticker for the AT that me and my roommate are planning on hiking this summer for two weeks. I love the wording. The complete quote is on a plaque at Springer Mountain at Georgia which describes the AT as "a footpath for those who seek fellowship with the wilderness." This alone makes me want t to hike the AT that much more. I cannot wait to go this summer and fellowship. The term fellowship makes me think of God and I want to have fellowship with him and all that he created.

I just bought a new sleeping bag last week which just came in. It's a 40 degree bag down and I think it will be suitable in the night for me.

Next week my roommate Katie and I are going to dinner with a girl that hiked the entire Appalachian Trail this past summer so she'll be able to give us useful tips. And a friend of mine is going to help us with our route and another person has had useful advice for us too.

I think that at this point the way that people always have things to say and questions to ask and advice to give when they find out I'm going this summer encourages me in knowing that fellowship will not only be with the wilderness. I'll meet people now until the time that I go that will form friendships based on our soul connection of this 2175 mile trail. Once I'm actually there I know more relationships will develop with people we meet on the trail.

Fellowship- I'm ready to embrace every form of the word in every relationship I encounter on my journey from now until the last day of my travels.