Fellowship With Wilderness

I've realized how much I like consistency lately. There are certain things that are a comfort to me and make me feel more peaceful. Now I do like change to switch things up but major life change is not what I'm talking about. I'm currently trying to change my blog background for some change. And I like to rearrange my room. But that's not moving my room to another place. It's just consistent change if you will.

Some things that bring me comfort and consistency:

a guy wearing outdoorsy Keens and maybe a mountainsmith because I associate it with guys I worked with at camp who were respectable guys. So a love of outdoors makes me think you'd respect me too

getting to the Milledge bus stop and finding lots of people there because it means I haven't just missed the bus and I will get to class on time

a clean room and a clean house (which I currently do not have)

looking outside as traffic passes me by while I'm in my house- the world is still running and happening and it makes me feel a part of something bigger than just me

Reading. Enough said. My life goal is to never stop reading. I love it. 

What is prompting these thoughts is that my life is really not consistent right now nor comforting.Change is happening and will continue to happen and I can't imagine a time when my address stays the same for more than 2 years. I'm trying to place my comfort in the Lord however.

What has brought me comfort is the knowledge that "I the Lord do not change..."

He doesn't change and in my best times and best days he is still in his best times because His best is all He has and all that He is.

No one told me graduating would be so hard because they apparently all knew I would actually intern with Wesley... seriously people.

By the way I decided on Monday that I would intern with the Freshley ministry (aimed at incoming freshman) and I'm really very excited about it.

People however, knew this was coming about 2 months ago so kudos to them... why didn't they tell me?

like i said... it was because they all knew.


I told two different people I was interning and one said "oh I knew you would. i knew i wouldn't have to say bye to you and i knew that i couldn't see next year without you." great

the other person... wow... she proceeded to tell directors at wesley that i would intern they would just have to wait until i decided it for myself on my own time.

well here i am now, deciding to intern and scared but very excited about it.

thank you Lord for letting me obey you and not putting anything else in my path to hinder me in this decision.

amen.

Oh my goodness who knew that trying to decide what to do with your life would be so hard. Not only do I have to change my entire residence of living but then I also have to pick a career path and think about health insurance and phone bills and LIFE. But let me tell you... no one told me it would be this hard.

no one.

and to all you out there that have been through this before me- i don't blame you because i probably wouldn't have listened even if you tried. it wouldn't have made any sense.

but i sit here on a saturday trying to decide on monday if i'm going to intern for a full year for no money. yep that's right. none.


but it would be a year spent learning completely and entirely about the Lord. And my parents have already told me that they wouldn't think it was a wise decision. but it's my life now. i'm about to be a college graduate and i get to decide my life. i decide what i learn about i decide the kind of person i want to be.

but i sit here trying to decide if i should intern. but this makes me think of andy stanley's sermon about the principle of the path. you decide what you want your character to look like so why would you do something that wouldn't get you to that goal. his example is that if you pack all your beach stuff in the car and your sunscreen and bathing suits but head north on 85 you will not make it to florida. so you could have the best intentions but won't actually make it there.

 and in my life i want the Lord to be front and center. all. everything. i want to be like the 70 year old woman that came into freshley last year to speak and told of how her husband had died recently and she was sad and she mourned the loss of her husband but the Lord was still her all.

so in trying to make my decision i'm trying to weigh all these things. this idea of the Lord being everything and knowing that it's not like not interning would mean I wouldn't love the Lord. but I do know it would give me a firm basis and foundation. even more so than now.

and it is just a year. but it's definitely the road less traveled and the path less taken. so it's like i'm weighing the Lord and the world. and the Lord will always win. but i can still have the Lord in the world.

i think to decide to intern is fear filled. i want to take control of my life and my life is not in control.

i was thinking earlier about my mindset if i decided to not intern. okay. i'd call my parents cause right now i don't want to call them and talk for fear they may bring up the future (which btw they would). then i would settle in to continue looking for a job. then i would bemoan looking for a job cause there's not much out there.


now if i did decide to intern. i'd call my friend nicki and tell her cause she'd be real excited. then i'd probably worry a lot. then i'd feel fear. which is probably the enemy because i would be doing something to vastly expand the kingdom and that's not his idea of a good time. then i'd call my parents and tell them and then hang up to let them process it so we wouldn't have to talk about it anymore.

but i think in both cases i'd have to pray. a lot. because the future is scary and no one told me.

Really? Is this true?

I want to believe that I'm completely in control of my life. That sure there are things in my life I cannot control but I can control myself and I can control how hard I work and what outcomes that hard work produces. That's my thought process and it's really the one I live by. Hmm. I should rely completely on the Lord's sovereignty all the time and give him the control. Actually I like asking Him to take it from me. A new thing I've realized about myself cause I feel like that's all I've done in college.I should write a 8-10 page paper about that instead of the topic I'm supposed to be writing for tomorrow.

But in the meantime I can write on here about how much Addison bites me. Which is all. the. time. Seriously dog? You need to control yourself.

She doesn't hurt me but she really likes to bite my tricep and since my tricep is all muscle and maybe a little tiny small bit of fat (i'm a little tiny bit of a liar) then it hurts.
But I do love seeing her so excited to see me. I really like labradoodles. See here how cute they really are. http://www.gorgeousdoodles.info/breeding.html

is non-existent because the Lord is the one that changes people.And yet I think that I have something to offer the kingdom of God and this world. I mean I have goals. I want to be a truth-fighter. To fight for truth and fight for people to know that truth. And I also know that the Lord gives us the opportunity to help him and to assist in pursuing people.I have to really not think I'm self-sufficient in counseling people. Because I cannot change people. Since, ultimately, that' what I want to do with my life. I can actually say without a shadow of a doubt that's what I want to do. But enter in prayer.

Prayer. Intercession. My ability to ask the Lord for something on behalf of others. There it is. I can pray for people. And then in those times in my life now where I offer people advice or just listen to them, it really allows me to see a greater purpose for me knowing the Lord. More than just for me- it's also for others and I think that sometimes I feel closest to the Lord in those leadership roles where I can pour out.

There are so many reasons why I can be thankful at this point in my life that I'm exactly where I am right now. (Which is in my last semester of college looking towards my first semester of life...) I'm still in college; reaping the benefits and reminiscing over my past three and a half years here. But I'm still looking towards a different kind of life I've never had before.

1. Crowded buses on a rainy day ( do I have to tell you that's a reason why I'm glad I'm about to fly this coop?)

2. Funny bus stories: ( I love these!!)
I kid you not what I'm about to tell you happened on an East Campus Express yesterday...
             [scene] On crowded bus with the rain coming down
  Annoying girl at bus stop yelling this to the whole bus: "Excuse me, like I really need to get on this bus now. It is essential that I get on this bus cause I really have to get on this bus. Please everyone move so I can fit on."
(in my head i'm thinking is she serious?)
Big bad football player in the back of the bus yells: "It sounds like you already on it, don' it?"

Hysterical- I will miss those stories I can share with my roommates. See my past relationship with bus here: http://the1490house.blogspot.com/2009/10/dang-milledge-bus.html

3. The group fitness pass at Ramsey... yes it's expensive ($75 for one semester) but it's flexible and I'm really enjoying getting in better shape with the flexible class times they offer. [It seems like one of my jobs is being a walking ad for Ramsey... but it's not]

4. Having a flexible schedule- some days things get cancelled and then here I am with an extra two hours on my hands and it's great to have that time back.

5. Going to women's basketball games for free where I get free t-shirts and free pizza. Thank you Lady Dawgs

6. Enjoying the beautfil weather like we had in Athens on Wednesday cause when it's pretty I'm walking around in it all day. But then when it's bad it's bad... cause I'm walking around in that all day too.  ( so avoiding the bad weather maybe a good reason for working inside? nah I don't think so)

Welcome to the New Year! I have less than two hours to post this on the first day of 2010...

I rang in the new year in a cabin in North Carolina with great friends and here I am now in Alpharetta thinking about what's to come in the new year. See it's the year I have been told I'm graduating from college. So now for me to see that this arbitrary "class of 2010" banner is actually happening- kind of surreal. And that will be a huge stepping stone for me. But I'll also do normal things like stay up late some random nights and work and celebrate birthdays. So it's hard to have true definitions of my calendar years.it's much easier for me to summarize august to may rather than jan to december. but for 2010 I want to start off with some written down resolutions... maybe not necessarily resolutions but more like goals... actually I think I'll call it my bucket list

- read through Revelation in one sitting (recommended to me by a great friend)
- never stop learning (that should be vague enough that I can accomplish it )
- take pictures more often
- read lots and lots of books
--Battlefield of the Mind: Winning the Battle in Your Mind by Joyce Meyer
--Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
--Case for Christ by Lee Strobel
--The Help by Katherine Stockett
--anything Pat Conroy
-- Future Grace by John Piper
many more to come but those are a few I've had my eye on
- stay physically healthy (again vague but I want to watch what I eat and get out and excercise every so often)
- not eat the 54 ounce bag of skittles my brother got me for Christmas by myself

And I'm out
I may add more to this list but I'm glad to be in the twenty teens era- or whatever we're going to call this upcoming few years.

Happy New Year!!